Defending our '"Episcopalness'"

We are currently in the planning stages for our trip home(south Alabama) for a two week visit in June and as I was thinking about the logistics of such a trip it occurred to me that because we have lived in Northern Pennsylvania for the last five years there are some things that I will have to prepare our kids for in advance. For instance, because the sun never shines full force in Potter County, PA. they have no clue as to what 102 degrees with 98% humidity feels like, it could be quite a shock if they aren't warned first. Personally, I live for weather like that but the kids have spent most of their formative years living in the Allegheny Mountains and will probably start wilting by the time we get as far south as Maryland. There is also the language barrier, at times my daughter talks so fast she sounds like Smurfette on crack. I find myself translating even for our yankee friends so I can imagine how the conversations at my inlaws are gonna go ... Papa says, " Hey there little Smiley , how was the drive down ?" To which Girly Child replies .."OOOH MYYY GOSH...PapayoushouldhaveseenthiscarwepassedinGeorgiathey
hadeightkidstwodogs,threecatsandafullsetoffishingtackleallshovedintoa
brightpurpleYugowithasetofsteerhornsforahoodornament."
At which point Papa will nod and smile like he knows exactly what she said, Papa later takes BigDaddy out behind the barn to voice his displeasure at what has become of his grandchildren.
Unfortunately I fear the one thing the kids are going to have to be prepared for most is the constant questioning of our faith, not so much our faith but how we choose to express it. As much as I do love my mother-in-law , her constant insistence on turning every topic back to HER religious views does get tiresome. She fears we are sending her grandchildren straight to hell and I'm sure she will not hesitate to tell them so when we are out of hearing range. Don't get me wrong, I have every confidence in my children's ability to defend themselves and their faith as they have done it before. They were recently kicked out of the neighborhood bible study group for refusing to admit that homosexuality is evil and all homosexuals are going straight to hell regardless of what sort of spiritual or ethical person they were. The bible study teacher pointed out that it was after all written the Bible and therefore was true beyond a shadow of a doubt. SpazBoy asks , "how can you believe that?" Teacher states, "because God wrote the Bible and every word in it is to believed and revered with out question" To which SpazBoy replies , "but men wrote the books of the Bible, look it even has their names on it." Teacher states emphatically , "NO MEN DID NOT WRITE THE BIBLE ... God took their hands and made them write His exact thoughts down so we could know them !!" At which point SpazBoy simply remarks , "Well , doesn't that then completely negate the concept of free will ?" (he maybe a complete SPAZ but he has an IQ of 150 and knows when to pull out his "SMART WORDS" as he calls them.) Teacher had no good argument for this one and sent the kids home. She later called me to express her great concern for my children because of the "evil seed" that the Episcopal Church had planted in them. SpazBoy will now occasionally comment that it is time for him to go water or fertilize his "evil seed" . I really have no doubts that our children know where they stand with God , however helping them to withstand a two week constant barrage of comments, questions and accusations coming from their own extended family is going to be quite a challenge.