My top 10 reasons to love being Episcopal ...

10. Anglican Aerobics are good for you .... sit-stand-kneel, sit-stand-kneel, sit-stand-kneel .
9. We get to drink real wine at church .... even on Sunday.
8. Not only can Episcopal women wear pants ... they can be Deacons, Priests and Bishops.
7. We "proselytize" by serving our fellow man,not by assaulting him on the street corner and telling him that he is bound for hell.
6. You don't need a life guard on duty to be baptized ... a small measuring cup will do .
5. Our Bishops are real people ... they will sit on the ground and play "duck-duck-goose" with the kids at camp. (Diocese of Central PA)
4. We ""respect the dignity of ALL human beings" be they black, white, gay, or straight.
3. Our National Cathedral has a very cool Darth Vader gargoyle .
2. There has never been an "Episcopal Inquisition" .... God gave you a brain - we encourage you to use it .
1. Scripture ... Tradition ... and .... REASON !!!! Need I say more ??

One paddle short of a regatta ???

This little tidbit comes from the undeniably warped mind of fundamentlist parenting "expert" Mr. James Dobson in his book "The Strong Willed Child" . . .
"At eleven o'clock that night, I told Siggie (the family dachsund) to go get into his bed, which is a permanent enclosure in the family room. For six years I had given him that order at the end of each day, and for six years Siggie had obeyed.
On this occasion, however, he refused to budge. You see, he was in the bathroom, seated comfortably on the furry lid of the toilet seat. That is his favorite spot in the house, because it allows him to bask in the warmth of a nearby electric heater. When I told Sigmund to leave his warm seat and go to bed, he flattened his ears and slowly turned his head toward me. He deliberately braced himself by placing one paw on the edge of the furry lid, then hunched his shoulders, raised his lips to reveal the molars on both sides, and uttered his most threatening growl. That was Siggie's way of saying. "Get lost!"
"I had seen this defiant mood before, and knew there was only one way to deal with it. The ONLY way to make Siggie obey is to threaten him with destruction. Nothing else works. I turned and went to my closet and got a small belt to help me 'reason' with Mr. Freud. What developed next is impossible to describe. That tiny dog and I had the most vicious fight ever staged between man and beast. I fought him up one wall and down the other, with both of us scratching and clawing and growling and swinging the belt. I am embarrassed by the memory of the entire scene. Inch by inch I moved him toward the family room and his bed. As a final desperate maneuver, Siggie backed into the corner for one last snarling stand. I eventually got him to bed, only because I outweighed him 200 to 12!"
What kind of neurotic control freak does this to the family pet ?? Wouldn't it have been much simpler and much more humane to pick up the dog and and place him in the kennel ?? So by his standards if a toddler gets comfy on the sofa in the evening and doesn't want to go to bed I should go and get my belt and beat him down the hall with it untill he crawles into the crib himself to get away from me and my belt . It would in my mind be much simpler and more humane to pick up the child and place him in the crib . I can only imagine the emtional state of this man's children. Did he 'reason' with them like he did Siggy every time they didn't want to eat their peas ? But wait... there's more ... not only does Mr. Dobson feel that the family pet should be beaten into submission , it seems he advocates the breaking and subduing of your infant's will ...
"[I]t is possible to create a fussy, demanding baby by rushing to pick him up every time he utters a whimper or sigh. Infants are fully capable of learning to manipulate their parents through a process called reinforcement, whereby any behavior that produces a pleasant result will tend to recur. Thus, a healthy baby can keep his mother hopping around his nursery twelve hours a day (or night) by simply forcing air past his sandpaper larynx."
Babies cry , that is their only form of communication , I suppose he taught his children from birth to come right out and ask for what ever it was that they needed , and not to bother him for anything so trivial as human company or comfort . My children were carried almost constantly from birth and they have yet to murder any one OR beat the family dog with a belt !!!!!
I do believe some one in this story of Mr. Dobson's should be living in a kennel and it isn't Siggy the dog !!!!

My english is tainted !!!

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

40% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Please proselytize Me !!

Lately I've spent a good deal of time trying to find the "please proselytize me " sign on my back , or perhaps it is on my front as they seem to get me coming and going . I have come to expect it when going into the local Christian Book store , they are very conservative and seem to equate being Episcopal to being demonic . I shudder to think what they would brand me if they actually bothered to ask me what I believe or feel spiritually instead of just lumping me in the pile as an "evil seed" . As I said I expect such treatment from the Christians at the bookstore , however now it seems that "they " are everywhere . When I come out of the grocery store there are nice little pamphlets stuck under the wiper blade on my van , I have found them stuck in my library books , not long ago I ordered some math books for the kids and each one had a pamphlet tucked into it . At least they are not those horrid hate filled tracts that I saw as a child in Alabama , but they are none the less a pain in my posterior . And lets not forget the couples who come to my door asking how I feel about God's plan for this earth !!! ( I'm not real clear on God's plan , however I do have my own plan if you don't get of my porch pretty darn quick !!! ) If I don't answer the door they leave me some light reading material about how God is going to destroy this earth so I had better repent . YUCK !!!! As a person who is not a believer in a literal Hell , I find this quite amusing . (except that they always seem to knock when I am trying to make dinner or something) If they were truly concerned for my eternal soul then they would stop knocking on my door and leaving me pamphlets so that when I do face my Divine Creator I won't have to try to explain why I clobbered those people who were trying to save my soul !!!

I got "SAVED" !!!

Scared you there for a minute , didn't I . Not exactly something you hear everyday in the Episcopal tradition . That phrase is a throw back from my childhood spent in the most fundamentalist of enclaves ... South Alabama . What I really got was the movie "SAVED" . Our daughter came to us one day and said that we had to see this movie called "SAVED" she had caught part of it at a friends house during a sleep - over and insisted that we see it . All she said was that it was "a really cool movie" and for those of you who have never had the privilage of meeting the very enthusiastic soul who claims to be our child , she is in a word .... PERSISTANT !! So Big-Daddy-O ordered it from Blockbuster online , who delivered it right to our mailbox , you gotta love that !! I must say that I was more than just a little hesitant about this film , based mainly on the title and what little bits of vague info we could pull from the above mentioned girly-child (she is after all a twelve year old) . Having grown up in the King-James-Only, Full-Imersion-required , No-drinking, card playing, or dancing, "Chick Tract" distrubting portion of the Bible Belt , the whole concept of "being Saved" still makes me a bit queasy . (for those of you who haven't had the pleasure check them out ...http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp ... I'm sure you'll be as thrilled with them as I was) The "GOD" of the Fundamentalist "Salvation" was never anything I wanted to have any aquantience with . He is not a God of love , but a God of fear ! I'd be willing to bet more than half of the "soul winning" (what an arrogant concept) that has happend has been out of sheer terror at the thought of burning in hell for all eternity rather than any genuine love for God . But ... I digress ... IMAGINE THAT !!! This movie is a must see , I haven't laughed so hard in quite a while . I swear that the writers of this script went to the same high school I did . It probably wouldn't have been quite so funny had I not have "known" so many of the characters personally, all I would have to do was fill in the blanks with familliar names . It truly is a dead-on portrayal of the fundamentalist mind set . Beware tho' there are few baudy scenes and more than a few "dirty words" so you might want to view it first to judge wheather it is appropriate for your kids . Mid- older teen is my suggestion . The underlying message of the film is that God's love overcomes all things and has no bounderies of "saved or un-saved" . If you are not easily offended by religious humor , check it out , it's a riot !!

What do I want to be when I grow up ?

More to the point, what do I want to be when my kids grow up ? I've had lots of time to think about it , there have been times when it was an all consuming obsession . That's usually after a day spent teaching history , pre-algebra and all of the other things that come along with being a homeschool mom . I figgure I have about six more years to come up with a good plan . Or even a workable plan , which is harder than it seems being that we live in the middle of NOWHERE !!
Very few places to spend some interesting volunteer hours , no community college . I could just sit around and watch the grass grow , but that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun . Perhaps I should just have a few more children , then I won't have to worry about it for another eighteen years !!

"Episcopal Women"

Not too long ago I went to an ECW (Episcopal Church Women) conference held not too far from my home . I had been looking forward to this gathering for some time based on the glowing reviews of the video presentation that we would see . WELLLLL , guess what .... I was slightly less than impressed . The company was good , the food was great ... the video STANK !! Though I can't remember the exact title of the video , the lead in was something about the importance of the roles of women in the Episcopal church and how we should feel proud of our accomplishments and the contributions that we make on a daily basis for the betterment of society and the church in our own communities as well as the Church universal . It was misleading to say the least . Every one of the eight or so women profiled in the program were ordained to the priesthood and started(or been instrumental in starting) some large ministry of some sort . Yea ... Good for them ... ! At what point did the feminist movement take over the Episcopal church ? Not only was the video irrelevant to the groups assembled ( Iwas one of the few under age 65 ) it was just WRONG !!! In so many ways it was wrong !!! Great and wonderful that these women gave up at least ten years of families life to go through the ordination process , which is something only a small few of the group would have ever considered, their accomplishments were nothing compared to those of the somewhat more humble crowed assembled to watch the video . What makes that priests "clothing closet" program any more important than the "soup canning" program done by that small group of women from that very small congregation seated in the second pew ? Or the "cleaning ladies" sitting on the back row who make sure their particular church and grounds are maintained to the best of their abilities ? What about the thousands of Episcopal women who volunteer to be Sunday school teachers year after year after year ? Yes the"clothing closet" program was a program worthy of the time and effort that this priest put into getting it up and running , HOWEVER , she is a priest , that is part of her job , it's the sort of thing she gets paid for . ( Paid a salary at least twice as much as that of the ladies in the "soup canning" group I might ad . ) The real accomplishments to be lauded here are not those made by the paid church staff but those made by the thousands of women who every day volunteer their time , effort and more often than not money to the thousands of programs carried out by the average church down the road from you and me . How about a video celebrating those ladies , the REAL Episcopal Church Women . Like the lady with four children who designs and maintains the lovely garden in front of your church ? The group of retirees who spend a weekend polishing the church brasses before the Easter service ? Those who see to the funeral luncheons , sympathy and hospitality committees ? What is wrong with celebrating the contributions of the invisible multitude that truly make the Episcopal church function ?? I would like to see it happen . Though sadly, I doubt that it ever will .

The "HOLYLAND" ?

How do you honestly think God feels about groups of people that fight so brutally over a small strip of land that human life comes to mean nothing ? Am I the only person who feels this whole concept is warped beyond belief ? What sort of god is being worshiped in a case like this ? I'd like to think that it isn't the same one I worship , for he values the dignity of ALL human beings . I doubt He would condone the slaughter of thousands of lives over so many years because a few groups of people claimed "God gave it to us " . When God bestows upon us a gift are we not to treat it with respect and be grateful to him ? Is it a reflection of God to kill thousands and deny thousands more of their homes in His name ??

Why Martha ??

Well she is now out of prison and presumably strolling about her massive estate in NY. (I would be...) Am I the only one who thinks that sending a woman (or any person) to prison for not admitting duplicity in a small scale investment deal is ridiculous? Has any one from Enron , Healthsouth or Adelphia been sent to prison yet? So why Martha? Is it that she was someone they felt safe making an example out of? Perhaps because she is a woman? I've seen people who sell crack to little children get off with leaner sentences than Ms. Stewart. Granted, I am a bit envious of her "Domestic Diva" status and some (most) of her ideas seem a bit far out and expensive for your average housewife, I in no way think she was deserving of prison. I get the feeling that so many women (read : feminists) dislike Martha simply because her empire has revolved laround all things domestic, perhaps they believe she has sold herself and women in general short by not being an attorney or politician or something more "worthy" of her obvious talents. Perhaps they dislike her even more because she has been so successful at it. Isn't that what feminism was about in the beginning? Having the choices and chances to do what you felt you were good at? Well Ms. Stewart , you are my kind of feminist. More power to you!! I have never met a poor man (or woman) who could afford to give any one else a job.

Forgiveness

Loving your neighbor is easy enough , forgiving them is another thing altogether ! What is it about forgiveness that makes it so difficult for me ? It seems that the closer the person is to me the harder it is for me to let the little injustices slide by . And I really tend to hang on to those that are not so little . Perhaps it is because these are the people that I trust the most . Because I have deemed them worthy of my confidence , I expect them to be that way for ever . I have learned over the years that simply because some one holds a position of trust and that I assume they should be trustworthy does not make it so . I have never been real big on the whole " turn the other cheek " concept , I tend to lean towards " if you slap one cheek , I'm very reluctant to give you the other one " and if by chance you should slap that one too , you might as well hang it up 'cause I doubt you'll get more than basic courtesy from me ever again . How many times should I forgive people the same offenses , before I just give up on them ? Perhaps I should pull out my trusty "post card bible" and think on it for a while . Do you have to trust your neighbor in order to love him (or her) ? Food for thought .

True Love

There are basically three kinds of love ...
Agape ... The all encompassing love of God . That one is easy we , it just happens , He loves us.
We probably don't deserve it all of the time , but it is there none the less . Nothing we can do about that one one way or the other , it is not ours to give or deny to others , it does not belong to us because it is God's love for us .
Eros ... Romantic love ... We hear a lot about that one this time of year . Yes , it is a wonderful thing to have [ LOVE YOU MUFFIN :o) ] and there are few things in life that are more comforting than to know even after 5475 days worth of kids , bills , jobs and the mundane things that life is really made of , he will still laugh at my bad jokes . But it is not what truly holds the world together .
Philio ... The love of a brother ... friend to friend , stranger to stranger , this is what the world is really about . This is what God really expects of us . The bible is full of strong suggestions , laws and commandments and for as long as there have been people reading and trying to interpret it , there have been people fighting about it . Fighting about how to live correctly , which laws mean more than others , who's right and who's wrong , who is more pious 'cause they can name most of the laws and commandments that they keep daily that you or I don't . What most people seem to forget or choose to forget is that the entire Bible can be summed up in one small pharse . We could reprint the entire thing on a post card and stick it in our pockets to go everywhere with us . This is my new and improved BASIC BIBLE .... it only consists of one verse .... Jesus answered , " You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all of your mind , and with all of your strength ... and you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself. There are no greater commandments than this. " Pretty simple huh . Put it on a post card , put it in your pocket , read it , study it , most importantly ... LIVE IT !!

Called for what ?

Ok , here comes one of those very unpopular , politically incorrect opinions of mine . I know several people who are currently answering what they perceive as a "call" from God . You know the one ... We have all had it at one point or another to some degree or another . Well it isn't any calling that I have issue with , but how they choose to answer it . I'm not sure if it is the church that I am more upset with or the individuals themselves . For those of you who may have no idea what it takes to answer a call to ordination in the Episcopal church check out the cannons of your diocese . It requires that a family give up major amounts of time and money . There are denominations out there that do all that they can to help those who feel that they are being led to ordained leadership , ours however seems to take the position that if the church throws everything at them that there is to throw and suck up every bit of spare time and every spare penny that a family may have and the family survives , then they may be worthy of ordination . Yes we as Episcopalian do ordain women , but in return we demand that they basically give up their families to do so . This is where I get really disappointed in people . (men and women) when I have to watch their children take a back seat to jumping through canonical hoops . It's not right ... I don't think God ever intended for people to put the church ahead of the emotional and financial welfare of their families . To those of you who might be going through the "process" now or for those of you who may be considering it , PLEASE think of your children ... They will only be children once !!! When they are grown up , you can't get them back . The church will be still be around when they are grown . ( and you will probably have more spare change)

Blessed are the MEEK ?

Standing on a hill , preaching to an ever-growing group followers Jesus uttered one phrase that would plague "good Christians" until the end of time itself. On the surface it wouldn't seem to be such a profound thought, just four simple words ... blessed are the meek. How could such a simple statement be so misunderstood? For centuries "good Christians" have labored under the misconception that to be meek means to be a doormat for the "world". Hardly; you must remember that this was said by the same Christ who had the audacity to have dinner with a tax collector in the name of God. Yes Jesus said "turn the other cheek", no, Jesus did not say "be overly submissive and compliant" This is after all the same Christ who ran through the temple overturning tables. Be meek , not subserviant. What exactly is it to be meek? At its best the word meek means patience, humility and a certain even-ness of temper and attitude. At its worst the word meek seems to convey thoughts of cowed submissiveness and fear . The Church and her congregations are preyed upon because they are full of the "meek". For those of us who have been given charge over God's own children, being meek can NOT mean being compliant. We can NOT afford to go blindly about our business accepting all help that is offered to us in what would seem to be a spirit of faithfulness and love. We must be dilligent, we must be watchful, we must be kind, but we must not be fools . Be meek, not mindless . Walking in the spirit of love does not mean we are to become easy targets for those who would do harm to family of God. Be meek , not naive. For in the same book where Christ said "blessed are the meek", he also gives warning for us to "be wise as serpants but as innocent as doves". (MT 10:16)

Often when I meet someone among the first questions they ask are "What do you do" ? or "where do you work " ? Normally I simply answer .. I am a Mother. I do on occasion get the reply of " oh... so am I , but what do you do for a living " ? At times I find myself searching for a response that really states what it is that I do without sounding too schmaltzy, or worse .... self righteous . ( I have been blessed with what my much beloved husband has dubbed "a dominant personality" , so this is harder than one might otherwise assume . ) Although through out an average day I may cook , clean , bake and chauffeur, I may play nurse , counselor , referee , teacher and secretary, none of these things truly define what I do for a living . After going down a long, annoying list of possibles , I eliminated the following titles ...
Stay-At-Home-Mom ... A little to "fluffy" and politically correct for my taste, chances are, it would be a cold day in Atlanta before the more "liberated" females of the world would stand for being called Stay- At- Work -Moms , even though they probably spend more time staying at work than I do staying at home . (there goes that dominant personality thing again)
House-mom .... umm , well , I'm Mom where ever I go , not just at home , so that doesn't really fit .
Unemployed ... not really , that generally implies that I had a job and lost it somehow . I am not un-employed so much as I am not-employed .
Having eliminated the above monikers and not finding any suitable alternatives, I invented one of my one . I am a Militant Housewife !! Why militant you ask ? Because dedicated didn't have the positive implication that I was looking for . I am dedicated to doing the laundry , not because I particularly enjoy it , but because we need clean clothes in order to avoid charges of indecent exposure . So dedicated housewife didn't quite get it . Adamant housewife almost made the cut , however, it seemed to lack enough power to convey how strongly I feel about what it is that I do . I am adamantly opposed to cats living in the house , however , not one , but two demonic feline furballs call my sofa home . So adamant wasn't really enough . The only adjective that seemed to really fit was militant . Being a mom and wife is so much more than what I do , it is who I am . There is nothing more important to me than my family . I cannot think that any amount of extra money or the prestige of an official title could possibly be more "fulfilling" than seeing that my husband and children are well cared for.. . BY ME ... BECAUSE NO BABY SITTER , DAYCARE , AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM , MAID OR COOK CAN TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY AS GOOD AS I CAN . I will never , under any circumstance , retreat in the face of any popular opinion that says other wise . There for , I am now , and will always be ... THE MILITANT HOUSEWIFE .